


The Ballad of a Ship War

by pluto_the_planet



Category: Fandom - Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Fandom Discourse, Overly Dramatic, Ship Wars, Shipping, Shipping Discourse, a collection of very short drabbles about ship wars, fandoms are countries now, fanthropology, i just like fancy language, not an actual ballad, too many tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-07
Updated: 2019-08-07
Packaged: 2020-08-11 10:08:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20151889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pluto_the_planet/pseuds/pluto_the_planet
Summary: A collection of very short drabbles about the affects of ship wars.(Fandom is a physical setting in this)





	The Ballad of a Ship War

###### In the distance, a conch horn blows. The loud, clear sound echoes through the country side of the fandom, reaching even the most remote groups of fans. It can only mean one thing. A ship war has begun.

###### A humble fangirl looks to the distance, turning away from the headcanons she had been planting in the tilled soil of her tumblr blog. On the horizon, she can see the faint smudge of the capital city. The horn must have been sounded from there. In her secluded area of the fandom, she made sure to stay far from discourse, aware of the horrors it brought. Why the ship war had started, she didn’t know. She just hoped it would pass by her simple blog without harm. Sighing, the fangirl turned back to her crops, a continued her labor. The bellow of the conch horn still echoed in her ears.

###### In the dim light of dusk, a plain fanboy walked the crowded streets of the Fandom Capital. He could feel the tension in the air, the sharp smell of fear acrid in his nose. Frustration had been brewing from weeks prior, spawning countless arguments among other fans. The Fanboy ducked into a nearby tavern, hoping to find shelter from the hatred in the streets. He sat down at the bar, examining the people around him. The person beside him turned, and gave him a slight nod. “Hey, aren’t you a {Character A} stan?” They questioned in a conversational tone. “Y-yes,” The boy answered, scared that he was putting himself at risk. “Oh, cool,” Replied the other, “Who do you ship them with? I like them with {Character B}” Suddenly, another person approached them, looking wary. “Why would you ship that? They don’t work together at all! The better ship is {Character A x Character C}!” The Fanboy looked to the Fan next to him, who stood abruptly. “What the hell?! You must be delusional! That ship is so unhealthy!” They roared. The Fanboy sat, paralysed, as the other fan threw a punch. Soon, a fight broke out, egged on by the bystanders crowded around them. All he could do was sit and watch, as the tavern descended into chaos.

###### Far away, in a small village of Fic writers, A lone author sits at an old desk, silently finishing the next chapter of their work. Setting down their quill, the fan tucked the parchment into an envelope, and slid it into their fic collection. Soon, they would have to walk to the village print shop to update their fanfic. For now, though, they began tidying their desk. Outside, the author could hear the faint rumble of a crowd drawing closer. What was happening? The writer drew back the lace curtains of a window, and glanced into their front yard. Outside, a crowd of people stood, brandishing torches, pitchforks, and rope. The people sneered, yelling and chanting. The author soon realized why they were here. Hurriedly, they crouched under a table, curling into a ball. Too late. The cottage door slammed open, allowing the ringleaders to grab the writer. Dragging them outside, they tied them to a post, berating their OTP. “Your ship will never become canon!” “That character sucks!” “My ship is better!” “You’re disgusting” “That character is obviously not gay/straight/bi/pan/whatever!” All the Author could do was cry.

###### In the slums of a nearby city, a shadowy figure slipped into a dark alleyway. Her eyes scanned the buildings, making sure that no one else was here. She saw a black-robed figure walked towards her from the other direction, and sighed in relief. The person drew back their hood, giving the girl a small smile. “Evening. What can I do for you?” The person asked, calm and professional. The girl once again looked for witnesses, then replied, “Do you have any Fan art? Perhaps of {Character A x Character B x Character C}?” A small smile of understanding sweeped across the other person’s face, aware that this was the Girl’s first time acquiring Fan works during a ship war. She must have been scared off by the discourse among more popular works, and instead decided to get covert ones. The Person reached under their robes, and produced a manilla folder stuffed with paper. The Girl gratefully took the file, and handed the Person a few coins. “Thank you” she whispered, and jogged out of the Alley. The figure retreated back into the shadows, always happy to help out a less experienced fan.

###### Outside of a small cafe, two middle-aged fans sipped tea, enjoying a relaxing brunch. They were Fandom veterans, having lived in countless other fandom countries. They were used to ship wars and discourse, no longer affected by the carnage it caused, Yet, they still remembered the violence of their youth. One Fanboy had served in a fandom war years ago, and the visions of gore still haunted him. Blogs in shambles, entire tags decimated by discourse. Hundreds of deleted fanworks, lost to the void. He had killed his brothers and sisters in arms, his fellow fans, over a silly ship. For that, he would be forever remorseful.

###### In a dreary apartment building, a young fan slipped into her bedroom, hiding a can of corn behind her back. She shut her door, sighing in relief. Quickly, the girl crossed to her armoire, opening up the large wooden doors. She pushed clothes out of the way, revealing a hidden passage to the Attic. The girl crawled through the dusty tunnel, entering the wooden attic crawlspace. There, huddled in blankets on the floor, was another fan. The girl handed her a can of corn, and sat beside her. They were the best of friends, having entered the Fandom together. But now, her friend wasn’t safe. She was a multishipper. The impending ship war put her in great danger, especially among Antis. The girl had taken matters into her own hands, hiding her friend until the conflict was over. She just hoped that they would survive that long.

###### In the barren countryside, a frightened Shipper sprints through the dying grass meadows. For days, she had been fleeing the conflict of the ship war. Her OTP was one of the most prosecuted relationships, making the fandom no longer safe for her. So, as her only chance for survival, she fled to the Fandom border. The Shipper was forced to leave behind almost everything she owned. Her blog was now abandoned, dust collecting on her old shitposts. She left behind her gif sets and theories, her unfinished drabbles and unposted CMV’s. Hopefully, she would find safety in another nearby Fandom. Either that, or she would become a fandom vagabond, haunting the ruins of long-dead fanbases. No, she wouldn’t be resigned to that. But first, she had to safely make it to the border.


End file.
